Emotions are a mess.
I tend to stick all my feelings in a box and hide them away from myself, as if having feelings makes me weak. The pain, the anger, it’s all in stored away. Every once in awhile, I’m faced with an emotion so strong, I crack. “If I don’t hold the waters back, the dam is gonna crack and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna drown.”
Why are we so afraid to feel? Emotions aren’t a weakness. Emotions are what make us human beings. We should deal with our emotions as they come, instead of tucking them away. Eventually, they’ll start piling up until they’re is no where left to hide them and you’re left with this awful feeling, like they’re just ripping you at the seams.
We forget how good we feel when we release our emotions. There’s a certain freedom that comes when you finally let out your feelings. It’s almost as if we don’t have to hide behind this mask that we created. We hide our feelings thinking that we’re taking control, but we’re not. Emotions are a mess, and hiding them is like hiding a ticking time bomb. You’ll never know when it’s going to blow up, but you can be assured that one day it will.
We’ve all heard those fairy tales. Prince Charming carries the Princess up to the beautiful castle on the hill and they live happily ever after. As girls, we grow up dreaming that one day we will meet our Prince Charming; but instead of riding in on his white horse, he’ll come racing in a black Dodge Challenger. He’ll sweep you off your feet and take you to your castle, well maybe not an actual castle. The fairy tale becomes slightly different but you still have faith that one day the fairy tale will become your reality.
Eventually, you meet “Prince Charming” but as the days pass on you start realizing you’re Prince Charming is more like the Jack of Hearts. The “happily ever after” doesn’t exist. You lose faith in the fairy tale and send “Prince Charming” on his way.You find yourself listening to Taylor Swift on repeat:
That I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairy tale,
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,
Now it’s too late for you and your white horse to come around
At the end of the day, we never really lost faith in the fairy tale. We hope that one day we find our Prince Charming and he’ll sweep us off our feet and lead us up the stairwell. We can’t lose complete faith in the fairy tale because sometimes life surprises you.
People will surprise you.
How do we really know that we’ve moved on? We can move to a new state, country or city but we’re still the same person with the same issues. In order to truly move on to your future, you must deal with your past. Accept what’s happened and move forward, and whatever you do, don’t look back.
Letting go of the past is easy. Moving on is the painful part. We may fight it or prolong it, but if we don’t move on we’d miss what’s currently going on around us. And sometimes, when you least expect it, life gives you a gift but you can only see the gift once you’ve let go and moved on. No matter how hard or painful it may be, it’s the only way to grow.
Let go and let God. Trust in Him and all else will follow. I never thought I could let go, but I’d prayed and prayed and realized why stress something that I have no control over. Today, I can finally say I’ve finally let go.
Have you ever felt like you were meant for something bigger? I can’t help but quote this song. Whoever wrote the song, “Born To Fly” clearly has felt the way I am feeling.
But how do you wait for heaven
And who has that much time
And how do you keep your feet on the ground
When you know, that you were born, you were born to fly
My daddy, he’s grounded like the oak tree
My momma, she is steady as the sun
Oh you know I love my folks
But I keep starin’ down the road
Just lookin’ for my one chance to run
I’m looking at colleges to transfer to. I don’t know if New York is the place to go. I’ve been thinking and praying, but I’ve started looking at schools in Tennessee again. I really don’t know where my life is headed, but I’m definitely ready for it to take off. I don’t think I can stay here any longer, I know I can do so much more.